Fourth Tier Bowel Movement: Valparaiso University School of Law

Source:  Fourth Tier Bowel Movement: Valparaiso University School of Law    Tag:  american science and engineering careers

Tuition: A full-time student at this prestigious, astounding law school will be charged $36,800 in tuition and fees for the 2010-2011 school year. Part-time students will only be charged $1410 per credit hour, for this same academic year.

Estimated Total Cost of Attendance: The sewer of law estimates that books/supplies, room, board, transportation, loan fees and personal expenses will account for an additional $12,760 for 2010-2011. This would bring the total COA – for a full-time student – to $49,560. Well, at least it is not quite $50K a year, right?!?!

Employment and Starting Salary Prospects: The commode’s Career Planning Center does not furnish employment and starting salary figures for recent graduates. But who needs that info, anyway? The CPC does something more “meaningful and concrete.” They provide a brief list of featured alumni for each semester.

For Fall 2009 – apparently, the sewer of law has not updated a list for Spring or Fall 2010 – the school profiles Lisa A. Van Fleet, a 1985 Valpo JD. She is now an HR specialist who occasionally teaches employee benefits courses. The next person profiled is also a member of the Class of 1985. Her name is Kim E. Ferraro, and as an environmental activist, she is a real crusader for “social justice.” And lastly, the school features a Valpo Law grad from this century, with J. Sebastian Smelko, who graduated in 2007. (One wonders what his first name is, given that he chooses to go by his middle name of Sebastian.) His career track suggests that he is a political hack/junkie. Yes, this is apparently the best Valparaiso University Sewer of Law can do, people.

Ranking: The school is expensive, and it is located about an hour away from Chicago – itself home to six ABA-accredited law schools. Surely, the school’s reputation will allow its graduates to compete in the Chicago legal market, right?! Well, some publication calling itself US News & World Report lists this school as a fourth tier piece of trash.

Average Student Indebtedness: USN&WR shows that the average indebtedness of Class of 2009 Valpo Law grads who incurred law school debt stood at $107,313. Furthermore, this magazine reports that fully 89 percent of this toilet’s 2009 graduating class incurred law school debt.

Potential Upside

"The Valparaiso University School of Law has opened the nation’s first legal clinic dedicated to providing free legal assistance to athletes, coaches and others involved in amateur sports."

Ooh, a sports law clinic! Calm down, so you don’t wet your pants.

This Valpo JD plans to pursue his artwork full-time upon graduation. Yes, a TTTT law degree is a necessity for this line of work, right?!

Look, you can join the Law School Running and Fitness Club, or the Multicultural Law Students Association!! Put these activities on your resume; but I must warn you, that if you do so, you will be inundated with emails and constant phone calls from legal employers wanting to throw large sums of money at you. Yeah, and Salma Hayek just rolled over and asked me to come back to bed.

Recently, industry shill Heather Diersen interviewed Valpo Commode dean Jay Conison about the state of the legal industry. He is also the chair of the ABA Accreditation Committee.

“When I asked Dean Conison about the allegations of misleading and fraudulent reporting of employment statistics, he believes the Questionnaire Committee is significantly concerned. During the next year, the committee is considering recommending changes in the law school reporting requirements, particularly in the type of information given with employment statistics.” [Emphasis mine]

Dean Conison, why don’t you and the “Questionnaire Committee” take your “significant concern” and pack it in your collective ass? Instead of feigning concern, you pinheads need to implement meaningful, substantive change!!

Conclusion: Valparai$o Univer$iTTTTy $chool of Law is a pathetic joke of an institution. The school charges $36,800 in tuition and fees for one year of a fourth tier “legal education.” This means that the VAST majority of its students will end up with $100K in additional student debt, while scrambling for jobs that pay $30K-$40K upon graduation.

I know that lawyers and “law professors” like to toss out that old saying, i.e. “Lawyers are terrible at math.” However, even a moron can discern that taking out $100K-$150K in additional NON-DISCHARGEABLE student loans – for a realistic chance at making $40K – is a horrible financial decision. And you do consider yourself to be smarter than a moron, don’t you, lemming?